How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
