I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
