I just pynch a tree in the face
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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