apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
