Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Randomize
