I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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