There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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