I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
