I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
