I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
