I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
