I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
All the doctor said was why
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
