Christians are straight up FREAKS
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
