You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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