No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
