you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
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