I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
