I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
