Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
