i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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