after a month anything with tits is on the radar
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
