Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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