Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
