Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
