i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
