Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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