I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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