I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
