Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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