So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
bring money and cleavage
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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