if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
