i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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