i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
