what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
