When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
