I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
