Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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