Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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