there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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