Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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