ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
