plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
