I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
