You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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