Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
