as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I deserve this hangover.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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