im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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