how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize