My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
