So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
