I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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