he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
