i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
