I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
