I puked a lego.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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