maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
