make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
