wat bout pragnant strippers??
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
