YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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