I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
