I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
